Saturday, 8 April 2017

This Is Where I'm At | April

She's so hard to please but she's a forest fire

In early March, I flew home to daffodils and Vitamin D and my first, but hopefully not last, Key Lime pie. I always look forward to these trips so much, this one in particular because I took the time to reach out to people and fill my time at home with catching up. But with returning to a place that changes so slowly, nostalgia arrives. And with it, an inescapable measuring of then versus now, what's changed? I shared with my parents my half-ambition to do a master's degree, unsure if I was convincing them or myself. I was grateful for stolen conversations with Belfast-based friends, and realised that if I haven't fully realised my life's greatest ambitions, I have become more open and trusting, and I do have people who listen.
I think that weekend set the tone for the month. Topsy turvy. Glimpses of spring and then great downpours.

I went to see the ineffably talented Orla Gartland support Declan McKenna, and lost some hours thinking about how teenagehood is an unparalleled time time when you have self-loathing and ego in equal measure. I went to Thorpe Park, a beautiful place, even for someone with vertigo who's terrified of rollercoasters. Yes, really. I enjoyed being on set for a bit of Bry's next music video set, always quietly amazed at the things people can do, the power of collaboration.

I made baby steps towards a better me; as I've said before, spring is a much better time for self-improvement than January could ever be. I joined a fitness class, ran 5k every Saturday, batch-cooked lunches, explored the countryside we live in, did something I've been putting off for months if not years.

I saw Get Out, a masterpiece. I can't stop recommending it to people. Also Beauty and the Beast which was just lovely. My annual obsession with Broadchurch is ongoing, and I'm also almost done with Girls. I bet it's not often those two shows go in the same sentence. Reading slowed a little last month, but I was floored by Homegoing by Yaa Gyasi. It pulled me out of my own head in big, important ways.

I don't know what to expect from April. Honestly, I'm more concerned with slowly learning what to expect from myself. 

Yours, yellow,