Thursday, 2 June 2016

This Is Where I'm At | June

Wish I had a little Mother Nature in me 



I can't admit to many of the job-based conversations I overhear during the week being particularly memorable, but recently, two of my colleagues were talking and one said, "what's the point of slugs!?" and the other replied, "what's the point of us?"

Okay so May is feeling a little existential, but so much of life is just waiting around. Sometimes it's long and drawn out and feeling like the hands of the clock don't move. Other times it is frantic, it is waiting in such a frenzy that your heart rate becomes unbearable and it's too hot and all you want is resolution, in any form.

May was a month of work. I started a new job at the beginning of the month, only days after my last shift at one of the previous retail stints I was doing. My new job involves short night shifts. Whilst one of the necessities of working such a job is constant perspective: this could be worse, I'm lucky to have a job, think of the money... waking up at 3.30am is rather hellish. And it all feels so dreamlike, completely removed from normality until I get to my workplace and there are other people having conversations and buying sandwiches as if 6am is a perfectly reasonable lunch hour, and suddenly the strangeness of it all when placed in a normalised environment is not strange at all.
I'm tired.
Perpetually.

We acquired a house to move to in England, which keeps my brain preoccupied with list making and daydreaming and mild panic. I have applied for a few jobs, being slow and selective for now, but I'm sure I'll gather speed if I could just sit down for an evening.
I'm grateful for the heatwave that lifted May and carried us all along in a pleasant haze. Tonight I'm eating comfort food, savouring the lack of bedtime and getting set for the hurdles that June will bring. I never thought I'd be one for positive affirmations, but lately all that happens inside my head is you can do it you can do it you can do it. 

It's been a very male-dominated music month for me *crowd boos* but I've grown really fond of Jake Bugg's Love, Hope and Misery. I've revisited Keaton Henson's 'Dear' countless times over the past couple of weeks. His music is intrinsic to me. And my new summer jams are Coldplay's Up&Up (imagine me screaming this in my car at 4am on an empty carriageway) and Tom Odell's Magnetized.
As for reading, I highly recommend Claire Hennessy's 'Nothing Tastes As Good' and Eileen Cook's 'With Malice' - both great explorations of teenage girlhood.

Yours, full,
Candice