Saturday, 2 May 2015

This Is Where I'm At | May

"Will you love me in December as you do in May?"

I quote Jack Kerouac. You'd be surprised at how often I have done that over the past six months. By the end of this month, my dissertation will be finished and maybe I won't ever have to quote him again. People ask about my dissertation frequently, and I will definitely make a video about it when it's done and graded, but you should know the Beat writers are my favourite problematic faves.



April! Tour! I recently reviewed a book of Chris Guillbeau's on my channel, in which he talks about trying to put into words a life-changing experience once it's over, for the curiosity of people who weren't there. Though our UK and Ireland tour wasn't life-changing, it was a very unique experience and so far I don't know how to document/reflect on such events in ways that don't involve emojis and the Twitter app.

I have just over two weeks of university left. Possibly forever. Probably not. When I was 18, I was so bursting with love for the secondary school I'd stumbled and glided through for almost 7 years, yet also COMPLETELY ready to leave it behind. I remember my history teacher once saying, 'you're ready for something new now, right?' She was right, and she would be right if she said it today. It's not that I've outgrown my university, God, to be intelligent enough for that to be a possibility, but I think some things in life are designed to shape you for the next step and then you have to let go.

Except letting go feels like the second you take your foot off the step and you think there's another step but there's NOT and the split-second of ARRGGHWHAT?! is where my head is at right now. But I will be okay. I am writing and writing, and when I pause from writing essays, I write articles, I apply for writing jobs, I write outlines for future writing projects. I write this. Where there is write there is... rightness? YEAH.

Today, I saw my parents and ate Crunchie cheesecake and drove in the rain. And if nothing else is a constant in life, dessert with my family and Northern Irish weather always will be.

Last night we watched Orphan (2009) and it was absolutely bloody terrifying and I hated myself for enjoying it. I've been listening to whatever playlist comes my way on 8tracks.com, which is a lovely music-based website for those of you studying and not Spotify savvy.

It is time to be Rory Gilmore.
Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more.

C

3 comments:

  1. I like reading your monthly updates. You always have very thought provoking things to say.
    How do you feel about strangers reading your personal reflections? I know you are in full control over what to put out, but photographs and writings can still say a lot about a person. I admire people that seem to be very open, but can imagine it being overwhelming at times. Do you consciously think about writing something for yourself or for other people to see and where do you draw the line?

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    1. Hey!
      I write these mostly as notes to my future self, but obviously I share them and I write with an awareness of that. I refrain from including photos of family or friends, and definitely refrain from posting truly personal things, like, 'I had an argument with my husband today' or 'my friend isn't replying to my calls'. I do all these things sub-consciously, as some who has grown up on the internet learns to do.
      :)

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  2. I'm in the same ARGGHWHAT feeling, although somewhat subdued, as I'm making my university applications. So I know what you're talking about, to a certain extent.

    Something I've wanted to ask: I've heard you say, on Youtube, that you tried your best to still have a life outside university so that the transition once it's over would be easier. I'm sure getting married and going on tour are part of that- and an amazing part indeed- but did that also include missing out on university things like living on campus and joining Uni societies? I'm just wondering whether you think you'll ever regret not joining in more, because that's how I feel at the end of high school.
    Much love xxx

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